lynn monahan

I think I have a tapeworm.  I am always hungry.  And for the first time in many years my BMI is in the “good” range.  I hope that doesn’t mean I’m dying.  You know how they always ask on medical questionnaires if you “lost any weight lately”?  It’s the only time ever you don’t want to admit you’ve lost weight.  Even though it’s your number 1 goal in life, you don’t want any doctor’s office to ruin it for you.  But I do find myself wondering why I’m not gaining more with the amount I eat.  Perhaps all the steps (actual stairs) I walk every day is helping!  It’s over 60 stairs to get to the subway platform. I walk them every day!  Brenda thought I should walk 60 floors up to my desk but that’s just crazy talk.

So here I am.  Literally months since my last blog.  Other than always hungry, I’m always cold.  I mean it might be nice weather for an afternoon- I can think of one afternoon that I exclaimed to my son, when we were shopping after lunch (I know how cool is that? Lunch with my son..) anyway I said “this is really nice” – and I meant it.  There may have been another day here and there but I would say 95% of the time I’m freezing. Mostly I try and power through the chilled-to-my bones feeling and think of all that I’m grateful for.

I am grateful that I live close to my boys.  We have monthly FAM breakfast with each of us taking a turn hosting.  My first turn was last Sunday.  I took them out to a really good restaurant in the Strip District because I have yet to have my own home.  It was actually one of those nice warmish days.  Jimmy and I walked to the restaurant from his apartment and met Zach and Rachel who were not real happy because they had to park so far away.  It’s not easy to park in the Strip even on a Sunday.  Anyway, I was feeling excited in anticipation because as of June 1, I will be living in the city area in a place called Mt. Washington.  This is the view from the end of the street where I am moving: https://www.google.com/maps/place/425+Augusta+St,+Pittsburgh,+PA+15211/@40.4397307,-80.021942,3a,75y,101.39h,91.71t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sNbV1aY4-vIVupoKfD57Law!2e0!7i13312!8i6656!4m5!3m4!1s0x8834f6bb4047628d:0x51ac1699b4b706b5!8m2!3d40.4353554!4d-80.0239145

This view is 2 blocks from my new little home.  I will walk to this view (Grandview Avenue) every morning to catch the bus.  Maybe I’ll catch the bus. Or I’ll walk a little further up the street to catch the incline that goes down the hill and then either walk the rest of the way or transfer to another bus.  I believe my commute will be cut in half.  I am VERY excited about this move.  If you are not familiar with what an Incline is – it is a cable car that goes straight up the hill – see here: https://www.google.com/maps/uv?hl=en&pb=!1s0x8834f6af9e6ab935%3A0xe871d2bbc2032b83!2m22!2m2!1i80!2i80!3m1!2i20!16m16!1b1!2m2!1m1!1e1!2m2!1m1!1e3!2m2!1m1!1e5!2m2!1m1!1e4!2m2!1m1!1e6!3m1!7e115!4shttps%3A%2F%2Flh5.googleusercontent.com%2Fp%2FAF1QipPnKw0sXC1zt8rnUJZMWgPIsrqcOg7h1aa7mpVR%3Dw240-h160-k-no!5sduquesne%20incline%20-%20Google%20Search!15sCAQ&imagekey=!1e10!2sAF1QipPnKw0sXC1zt8rnUJZMWgPIsrqcOg7h1aa7mpVR&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjQ25ehmMjhAhXtc98KHQKPAqwQoiowIHoECAsQBg

It is not just a tourist attraction, it is actually a form of commuter transportation. Kinda really really cool.

My beach pictures have been replaced with the daily pictures I take from my window at work.  They mostly look the same (grey)– I’m waiting for the green (trees, grass?) which is starting to pop out…slowly.

The views from my building are incredible. I look out all day.  I forget there are other views from other sides of the building so writing this blog is making me get up and walk to those other vantage points to show you all the views.  It’s not the beach view but it is just as beautiful in a very different way.

This is the view from my desk – Jimmy’s apartment is on the right (circled) – Pittsburgh Pirates stadium in the middle and the Pittsburgh Steelers stadium to the left

Circled in this one is where I will be moving to on Mt Washington

our neighbor sky scraper

Zachary lives where circled

Where the Pittsburgh Penguins play

The “Strip”

We have closed on Mom’s house in Virginia. That chapter (and house) is closed.  Well almost closed.  We still own two acres that we’re just going to hang onto for awhile.  It was sad but also happy as the neighbors all like the new owner who seems very happy with the house and garden!  That makes us all happy.  And although I’ll miss my relators I am ready to put that behind me.

My little Mt. Washington house where I am moving to is not in my hometown.  One day after I got off the bus (in Sewickley – home town – where I am staying with Diane) I decided I’m kinda over this place.  I’ve been moving on for so many years (5) that going back just didn’t feel right.  Mt. Washington location is close to both boys and close to work.  It feels more like where I should be.  I told the boys it’s time to look for “grandmas” home – and although I am not a grandma yet, I am hopeful that someday I will be and well those kids have to have a stable grandma’s home where I can collect more stuff for those grandbabies to have memories of.  I am not adverse to having TWO grandma homes – one in Mt. Washington and one in Florida 😊 but for now I’ll rent in Mt. Washington for a year and see if that’s where we think I should settle.  Could all change again tomorrow but that’s where my head is at today.

I am also grateful for my friend Diane who has been wonderful letting me camp out in her home and put up with me until I found the right place.  She said 6 months and she was right! Well actually it’ll be 4 months total.  That’s a long time to let someone take over your spare room.  I am happy to move on but I’ll miss having a friend as well.  I was talking to my mom the other day about even though it’s so nice I really miss my stuff in storage, and by my stuff I just mean like my calendar, or my mirror, or a certain face cream, and even Di’s bday card that I bought last year is in storage and I won’t be able to get to it until next year’s bday (her bday is May 5). Just little stuff that you miss.  I was saying to my mom “until you’ve experienced not having your own place you don’t really understand how it feels” and then we both started laughing as we looked around the room she lives out of now at my sisters.  She absolutely gets it. She went from a 3 story house filled with treasures to one room. ONE room. And even though she has everything she needs, as do I, there are things you don’t need that you just miss.  And in her case, even when you don’t see them you know things are there when you do need them.

Mom is doing good I suppose.  She’s not really a complainer. Well, that’s not totally true.  She complains about the government and politics but not about herself. My sister and niece (mostly my sister) bring her fresh hot coffee every morning, bring her breakfast, take her for walks, make her dinner and do her laundry.  Quite a different life she leads now.  She used to spend her days sitting on her porch in Virginia in the woods.  Now she sits in her room near the window.  She doesn’t like the cold and it’s much colder here than Virginia – but her room is really really warm so that’s good. She doesn’t want to move out.  She just wants to move on.  There’s been a couple days/weeks when I think “this is it” – and then she bounces back. I’m telling you the saying “blessed with a long life” is a misnomer. At least in some cases.  She just talked to her friend yesterday who is traveling the country (and maybe Europe) at 90 years old.  Her other best friend just got back from Paris with her granddaughter – she’s also 91.  Some people are blessed, but not all.

As for work – in addition to the view – I like it!  It’s a pace that is realistic (compared to that last job) – even while I’m filling in for Kathy who just left for a position closer to home, so in essence two positions again, but it’s STILL manageable.  And they are already making an offer to another person to fill Kathy’s job less than a month later.  I am very very grateful that I don’t go home questioning my sanity every day. My friend Robin, in Florida, told me that I just had to let it go…let the resentment I felt towards Stetson go – this was last October while I was still there.  It’s harder to let go than one might think.  There is quite a bit I miss there (as you can imagine) but that job is not one of them.

I am still having fashion dilemmas.  Five years ago people were still wearing panty hose – although I like the no panty hose rule and believe me I don’t even think they sell panty hose in Florida – but us “old” people I don’t know if we should be going without panty hose and without suntan legs.  It is almost appalling to me seeing all these young people going bare legged – white – and it’s freaking cold out there.  I can’t wrap my head around it and I’m not sure what to do.  I have dresses and skirts and I’m just stuck as to how to wear them.  Tights are a good option but I’m thinking no tights when it’s over 50 degrees. And now most days it’s over 50.  I spend an awful lot of time on my commute checking out what people are wearing.  Mostly pants in my age bracket.  Honestly, as much as I hate panty hose I think if I get the high end ones it’s better to wear those than none until I bronze up. Florida wear is much preferable to this. I’m not complaining, I’m just making an observation.

In summary, I have always hated the cold.  To the point where I cry.  There really are no words that describe how sad being cold makes me. BUT being back with the family, my boys, my mom, the babies, and having a bunch of friends and social obligations, well it gets me through. It does more than gets me through – it’s really great being back – and soon I’ll be walking outside with my Florida clothes on and I’ll be happy all over.  Then I’ll start dreaming about how I can have TWO homes.  I’ll put those snowbird dreams on my next vision board!

xoxoxox

Coming soon:  an internet tour of my new Mt. Washington digs.  Look for it mid June ish…once I get all my new furniture…again.  😊

I bought this book, Breaking the Habit of Being You. But today I’m having second thoughts on why I might want to break the habit of being me. Like for instance (of course there is a for instance, it’s a blog right?) anyway for instance I am feeling so overwhelmed.  Feeling guilty about not keeping up with emails (and blogs) – Mom asks me everyday “did you write a blog today?” – NO MOM!  JEEZ.  Of course I don’t say that to her because I’m not 13.  I just say “no mom, I didn’t get around to it.” Someone else wondered why it was going on 4 days and no response to her email.  I said I needed more time.  Time.  Here’s why I don’t have time now – I’m not working.  That’s writing.  I am not.working.

Nope. I’m not getting into it if you don’t know the story. It’s been a very good thing overall. I am no longer grinding my teeth, I am sleeping fantastically (when I’m not up working on something), I am exercising regularly and I have taken on way too many projects now that I have time…which means I don’t have time.  Looking for work is also a full-time stressful job.  So writing has taken a back seat.  After being on the computer for hours looking and then applying to jobs the last thing I want to do is write.  And my creativity is shot.  Even with all the beach walking (which usually inspires me)

I read a book last week on being inspired, Big Magic (by Elizabeth Gilbert).  I was really inspired when reading it but then didn’t have time to write because I had to read it.

And then there’s Christmas – Out of all the decorations I used to have, I only have those two bins and well, I had to decorate with what I have.  I still, to this day, get slightly sad over what I lost in the Storage Wars but a couple of trips to the Dollar Store and Target and well it’s looking kinda cute.  I also think it’s not all the Storage Wars fault – I think I left some stuff at my moms which I have now lost to the Estate Sale wars. (not a war at all but had to make it connect somehow)

Here…what do you think?

I came really close to buying a tree for myself.  But stopped short.  Maybe not the year for that.  But if you’re looking, Walmart has some very cheap suitable trees for someone like me.  I think next year I’ll do it.  It takes a while to get resettled (for any of you wanting to completely up-heave your life, keep the long recovery period in mind!)

So anyway, with all this going on I have not had time to write. Until right this minute.  And this is why I like myself…For the past few days I have been feeling so overwhelmed with these projects I’ve taken on – Christmas projects –  because I’ve been told not to buy anything I’ve decided maybe I’ll make stuff.  Well honest to god, it’s so much easier to buy stuff.  I thought maybe I’d knit blankets for the kids since they don’t have to be big blankets.  I haven’t knitted in years.  I also don’t have any of my knitting stuff (storage wars) and I used to have so much.  At Walmart the yarn is like $2.97 – pretty cheap right?  But you add the needles – and then you have to go back and get more yarn because who knew you can’t make a blanket with one ball. And why don’t they have the yarn in balls to begin with?  Why do we have to put the yarn into a ball when we get it?  I’ll tell you why.  Because if you don’t and think “I don’t have to put this yarn in a ball – stupid people” well you’ll see.  Because then you’re up until 3 in the morning…that’s right THREE in the morning trying to get knots out of your yarn. And after 3 in the morning you don’t have time to clean up the mess you have left with all the different directions you have printed off  and from the computer that’s on the floor from you watching You tube videos to try to remember how to cast-on, or YO (yarn over) and who knew there is a different way to yarn over if it’s a knit or purl?  You know?  Whose big idea was this?  So I am just straight knitting a blanket that is going to be so misshapen because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing and I will surely never get it completed and I can’t ever give it to one of those kids because I will never ever make enough for all of them.

And then the book I bought (not being me) came yesterday and I thought…I have to read this NOW.

I actually tossed and turned last night wondering how to plan my day. I have yarn everywhere – papers everywhere – that book – other writing that I have to read and critique (from writing groups) and where do I start?  So this morning I made a cup of tea.  Came to the porch and decided to roll a ball of yarn while I decide what to do with my day.  Certain I should take that book over to the beach (it’s a beautiful sunny 85 degree day) – 5 rolls of yarn later I decided to read those writing submissions that I need to critique.  So I did that.  Then I decided I should make the edits they suggested to my book from two weeks ago (they suggested two weeks ago and I had yet to complete) – in the meantime I have filled a basket now with balls of yarn and other knitting paraphernalia and got my couch cleaned off. And well now it’s dark (ish) and the idea of a beach day is long gone – but how much I got done!  The knitting crap is all organized (whether I ever touch it again or not) my couch is cleaned off – I have completed my critiques, I’ve made my edits – I submitted my writing for December 19 (I’m so ahead of myself) AND I actually submitted my book to an agent.  That’ll be 42 agents now.  Between the job rejects and my book rejects I am an expert at rejection.  And that’s not an easy thing to be.

So even without a to-do list I got everything that “should” be done, done today and I’m actually blogging about it. I don’t need to change a thing.

Peace out …

xoxoxo

I’m feeling a little like it’s my duty to write a blog today.  I’ve already read at least two others who have taken the time to write one on this holiday. I just need to stop being so lazy. But that’s exactly what this particular Thanksgiving is about for me.

My plan for the day was to hang at the beach and read my book.  But, yesterday I also went over to the beach, with my book, with two long sleeve shirts on because it was windy and cold and I finished that book I was reading (Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert) which is sort of a good thing because today it is colder with no sun.  Not really a beach sitting day.

So far I’m still in my p.j.’s, I haven’t made my bed, I watched the parade.  I’ve sent some Happy Thanksgiving texts, called my mom, on my 4^th or 5^th cup of tea, walked outside to really gauge the temperature (it’s decidedly warmer outside), thought about putting lights on my Aloe plant which is doing really well here at this particular home. A day full of nothing.  So far.  I have grandiose ideas of putting on sweats and heading over to the beach for a walk anyway and am considering dragging some Christmas decorations out of the closet …and then for dinner the plan is for Ahi tuna with Brussel sprouts and butternut squash.  A feast for sure!

Unfortunately or fortunately (depending on your point of view) what probably will end up happening is I will do a search for the movie Gladiator and never get out of my p.j.s .  A perfect Thanksgiving!

Or maybe I’ll drive to Miami.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!

xoxoxo

The good mom that I am, I checked with the boys a week or so back and said “Are you voting?” – Zachary answered in the usual Zachary way like I’m the dumbest person in the world and of course he’s voting and he probably is familiar with every single platform of every single candidate.  So that was a yes.  And although we didn’t discuss how he was voting I am positive we are on the same page, not that it matters, but you know it kinda does.  And then I asked Jimmy…

Jimmy was born in April 1991. So the first voting which was not a presidential vote, he would have been 7 months old. John has taken Jimmy to the voting booth EVERY election since Jimmy was born – even when he was 7 months old.  And Jimmy would always go. He never acted like he was too old or too embarrassed – he went into that booth with his dad and watched him vote.

Once when Jimmy was about 10 he asked if any Presidents had single mom’s.  I could tell he was wondering if he’d ever be qualified to be the President of the United States. Isn’t that something?

When he was a Junior in high school we were visiting colleges in Florida and we had one day at Disney – I told him to pick 5 rides and we would be sure to hit them – first thing he picked was the Hall of Presidents.  I didn’t see that coming.

So when I asked Jimmy if he was going to vote last week and he said “no” I was a bit stunned and wanted to reach through the phone and strangle him.  NO?  NO?  But the calm mother I am, I stayed calm and I said “WHAT?” He very defensively said things like:

• Mom they’re all assholes
• No matter who you vote for they all lie
• It doesn’t affect me at all
• I don’t even know who is running
• I’m not going to vote for someone just because my parents tell me to (and why not?)

So I calmly tried to see it through his eyes.  All politicians are basically assholes.  He’s not wrong.  There’s good ones out there but we probably only hear about the assholes.  I also think they all lie – just look at the commercials.  Sheeshhhh….

And on the very surface he is not affected by what is going on.  He is a white male, citizen, no religious affiliation (non practicing catholic if he’d have to choose), although one pair of his grandparents were immigrants they are dead.  He is successful at his job and makes good money.  There are no migrant workers coming into ADP to take his sales job.  And if they did Jimmy would become fast friends with them and invite them to his parties.

And he HATES the news so he doesn’t keep up with current affairs (although he did text me the day of the Squirrel Hill shootings and was very affected by that).  He has always hated the news (only watching the sports channels) and when he would come home from school and I’d be sitting on the couch watching the news he’d make me turn it off.  He says things like “why do you want to watch that stuff – it’s all bad and negative – turn it off” – I bet a lot of you didn’t know this side of Jimmy.  He is pretty easy going but he has his lines in the sand.  Watching the news is one of those lines.

So I agreed with him on the surface it doesn’t affect his day to day life and tried from a different angle – I asked him to think about the environment and how that is something that will build and affect him so that is something to think about when voting.  He didn’t disagree (phew) And I tried to explain that this is really about Trump and even though we’re not voting for a president there is a message to send – but again he said “so he’s an asshole – in 2 years another asshole takes his place” – I dropped it and decided in my 20’s I didn’t vote midterms either and it was hard to argue giving his point of view.

Last night Jimmy called.  He calls every Monday.  We were discussing what he was doing this week and he told me he was meeting his dad after work and voting.  YAY!  I asked if he knows who is running etc., he quickly cut me off and said he’d do his own research in the morning and he’s not going to vote for who his parents vote for (again, I don’t know why this is such an issue – but okay)– I said okay Jimmy I’m just glad you’re voting.  He shared that between me and his dad and his boss yelling at him he figured he would go ahead and vote.  Hey whatever it takes.  He said his boss yelled the most.

I know what he’s going to do.  He’s going to do exactly what his dad taught him all those years taking him to the polls.  When Jimmy was a teenager and still going to the booth every year with John I asked him what kind of advice his dad gives him when they go in.  He said his dad told him “what you do is scan the ballot and always vote for the Italians.”

God Bless America…

xoxox

I never liked snow skiing.  I tried, really I did.  We had a cabin (a very nice house) near Seven Springs for a few years when I was in my youth so we made a really good go of it on the weekends, driving to the cabin and heading over to the slopes. But I never remember liking it.  I was always too cold.  I lost control on ice patches.  The rope tow pulled at my arms like they were going to come out of the sockets. My skis would get all bungled up under me but the worst was the chair lift.  I was little, I mean maybe even little for my age, so those chair lifts would never quite hit me right.  I remember many a man grabbing me by the pants and pulling me into the chair. Then the ride up was even extra cold.  I’m afraid of heights to begin with, the air is now like ice, the lift stops (because no doubt some other little kid missed the chair and they had to stop it to pick them up) and now you’re swaying back and forth in the sky, cold and I’m sure I’m going to fall out of the chair lift to my icy death below.  And when I was fortunate enough not to fall out I had to “get out” at the top and get off the lift which meant keeping those skis straight up and out in front of you, getting the poles just right so you didn’t trip over them and pushing off the chair so it doesn’t hit you in the head and knock you down.  It was so stressful.  And right when I thought I was finally graduating from snow plowing to parallel stopping (after I paralleled right into Ellen at the bottom of the run) well that’s when the money ran out, the cabin was sold and I was ever so grateful to give up skiing.

I just came back from Pittsburgh and going through the security lines at the airport reminds me of that damn chair lift.  It’s like you have to get your ID out and have it ready and whatever means of boarding pass you’re going to use and balance it ever so precariously with your carry-on and your big bag that you hope will fit under the seat.  But I don’t want to get out my ID and boarding pass too soon because I’ll drop it or lose it so I wait until the last minute digging into these bags, zipping and unzipping wallet pockets to get out my ID – and then you get to the screening belt thingy.  So you have to figure out what to do with your ID.  Do you put it back in your wallet, zipping and upzipping?  You can’t put it in your pocket “NOTHING IN YOUR POCKETS” (I hear in my sleep) – and I have to go into the under seat bag and make sure I can pull out my liquids in my quart bag which invariably has opened and spilled out under my purse and jacket.  The shoes off is easy.  I can usually do that without peril. But the pressure of the people behind you that are waiting for you to get organized and get your shit on the conveyor belt and then get in line and hope you don’t beep and then you have to hurry to the end of the line to get your things well it’s just enough to make you have PTSD about chair lifts and skiing.

All that aside I had such a nice Pittsburgh visit.  I had a planned girls weekend with Ellen and Jennifer, two friends from gradeschool (see above comment about running into Ellen on a ski vacation) and well it was so genuinely lovely to spend a weekend with these two. I have kept in touch with both of them and have seen both of them in the past year but Ellen said she didn’t think she’d seen Jennifer in 25 years.  That just seems hard to believe.  One of the things we did was visited our homes where we spent time having sleep overs 50 some years ago.  We walked around the outside of Ellen’s old home.  They didn’t let us go through this time.  Ellen has been through it before but not this trip.  Jennifer’s home has this huge gate – like serious gate – so we didn’t get past that.  Probably would have been shot on site.  But my home we got to go in.  Barb (new owner) has lived there 30 years and she loves it there.  I love that she loves it there.  I mean I could have gone through it any number of times since I only moved away 5 years ago but I just never had the desire.  Jennifer lives in Maryland and Ellen is outside of Chicago so visiting is different for them.  I’m still too connected to be that nostalgic, but that visit to the house was quite special.  So much the same and totally different at the same time.

In other news, Mom is all settled in at Kerry’s.  Thinking back we should have taken her into her own place and got her settled there with Kerry spending time getting her settled in an apartment but as it is now she is not up for another move…yet.  Moving takes a lot out of the best of us, let alone an 86 year old blind woman so she’s settled into Kerry’s with the masses (all the kids that live there as well) and I added to the masses by staying there after my girls weekend too.  I had appointments to look at apartments but she said “no” – so kinda changed the purpose of the extra stay but I was still happy to be there. We still did “getting settled” things – just not apartment looking things.   I got my fill of friends and family and remembered what it was like to have a social life once again.

I came back to Florida Thursday afternoon, dropped off my luggage, and went straight to the beach for a walk. I’m not doing much laying out these days.  It’s still very very hot and well I’m just liking the walks. I mentioned just yesterday that it’s not Fall here in Florida (we are 30 degrees hotter than Pittsburgh today) but that’s really not true.  It is Fall in Florida.  The sun is different so the shadows are different.  There are many dead leaves falling off of the trees on my car and in the parking lot.  They’re not changing colors but they sure are falling.  It feels like Fall.  It’s just still hot. But that will change soon enough.  Yesterday morning it rained and when I got up to come sit on the porch I had to change plans as it was the hottest I’ve ever felt it here. Today though it’s beautiful.  I’m sitting out here not sweating!  I’ve seen a couple people walking over to the pool, I thought about doing that.  I thought about making it a beach day and sitting in the chair over there but started writing (I know right!) and well I guess that’s not going to happen either.  But maybe I’ll go for another walk. When you have nothing to do there are so many options!  When I am in Pittsburgh/Sewickley I am so stressed about trying to see everyone and I always miss someone – actually I miss a lot of someones.  Between my own kids, my sister’s grandbabies, my mother and not having a car, well it’s like impossible to do it.  So I go from that ridiculously busy guilt-ridden social conundrum to sitting on my porch with absolutely nothing to do (I walked around with the Swiffer earlier).

Everytime I’m in Pittsburgh I think it’s time to move back.  Everytime I land in Florida (and especially now that I live this close to the beach) I think there’s no way I can go through a winter.  So for now it’s just going to have to stay status quo..

xoxox