Month: February 2018

I have been very successful at keeping that TV off.  It’s been the easiest thing so far in my life to give up, at least cut back on.  I haven’t been writing as I had hoped (until this moment) but I have been editing.  I remember my brother telling me one time about how as a musician, writer of music, you get so sick of your own songs from playing them over and over. Well..I get that now.  I am editing my book which is me reading and re-reading my Finally Florida blog.  When I first put it together I would always cry while reading it…now it’s like “this is ridiculous, who is going to read this?” But, I will persevere. Zachary told me to read my things out loud.  I admit I find myself thinking I’m reading out loud but I’m not. I’ll try harder as it is really helpful to do as an editor/proofreader kind of thing. A friend at work wants to read my book.  She’s not the first person to ask.  A lot of people ask.  But I get very nervous about that. I don’t mind getting turned down by publishers but getting the rolled-eye review from a friend is scary.  It’s a very vulnerable position. You always read in the acknowledgements sections in the back of books all the thanks to friends by the author for reading their work.  Maybe it’s time I take up these friends offers and drag in some helpers. I’ll let her read 30 pages and see how it goes. 30 pages is all that the agents want to see..and that’s only a few of them..most of them only want 5 or 10 pages.  I’m like come on!!  I read the other day that James Patterson (writer of 60+ books) was turned down by 70 publishers. I’m not even up to 50 submissions yet.  I have a ways to go. Researching agents and publishers is a lot of work.  For now I feel like I need to edit…again.

Diary’s (and my Finally Florida blog) are a really cool way to transport you back in time. Photo albums try to do the same thing but there is nothing like a diary, it captures so much more. When I re-read something I wrote, not only do I remember the time I remember the feeling. And if you have a picture to go along (like I do on the blog) well it’s the whole package.  Mrs. Williams will pull out her journals every once in a while and remind me of sleep overs at her house when I was 12. What a great memory tool to have.

I’ve come a long way.  Rereading while editing and being transported back in time, well I don’t cry..at all.. It seems like such a long time ago.  And with the exception of my last diary-style blog I have come a long way since reporting on my dinner menus and errands!!   I can’t wait until my next adventure to blog about – my next book.  I wonder what it’ll be about. It feels close.

xoxoxox

I am hopelessly addicted to my shows on TV.  I hate this about myself at the moment.  I mean not this immediate moment, but I’ve been realizing that I’ve got to get away from it somehow.  My routine is work, home and as soon as I walk in the door I turn on the TV and I sit there until bed – well I make dinner with the TV on and THEN I sit there and watch it until bed. It’s bad! It’s really bad. Plus there’s nothing on – so I switch over to Netflix and the like and look for something on that…and well that’s even worse because then you just start binging because that’s a thing.  Binging.  Recently Jimmy got Hulu for me…so I had to check it out and on there I’m watching Deception, wait maybe it’s Perception. Yes Perception.I think.  Turns out it was a regular channel tv show for a while – I have 3 seasons to watch.  Then over to Starz where I started watching American Gods after I finished the book.  It’s good, weird but good and thank god I read the book, which was great (and weird) or I’d have no idea what it’s even about, plus the music/soundtrack is so bizarre I sometimes think I shouldn’t watch it before bed.  So I switched over to Counterpart also on Starz.  Last night I watched until 12:30 a.m. – then I did the dishes before going to bed because I’m wide awake from these shows. See what I mean?  A terrible downward spiral into TV land.  I have a couple of friends who are afraid of retiring because they think they’ll become slugs and just lay on the couch and watch TV (you know who you are) and of course I’ve always thought I’m above that as I have so many interests, my hospice work, my writing, a yoga class here and there and so where have I been every night of every day?  In the chair in front of the TV.  I don’t volunteer, I don’t go for walks – I go to yoga ONE night a week and every other moment?…in front of that dam TV. So tonight I said NO!  Do not turn on that TV…yet.  Write something dammit (while sitting in said chair.)  And well here I am, writing.  I had to get through my phone calls first.  I am on the phone a lot these days. It’s good to catch up and stay connected. But seriously how will I ever be a writer if I don’t write? And I am a writer! (right?) I’ve decided that I need to take this opportunity to write the nonsense, to practice the craft and when that story comes into my mind I’ll be ready.  But if I keep that TV on I’ll never be ready.

Okay well that’s the preamble. That got me to 7:49. I got home about 6 pm – I made dinner, cauliflower and chickpea somethings from Purple Carrot – already cleaned up from it, talked to Jimmy and my brother and well almost two hours with the TV off and I’ve written something.  But seriously I’m twitching a little.

How about an update (remember those?) I think things are moving forward and/or I’m settling in here in DeLand.  It seems contradictory, either you’re moving on or settling in, but in my case perhaps they are both happening simultaneously.  I have a couple of friends now – I know right?  We’ve been having lunch and going to yoga and well it’s fun to have new friends and all.  Oh this is kinda big, I’ve put my foot down at work and said “enough” – then of course I am very quick to say I’m not quitting and I love my job but seriously it is impossible for me to do it.  And I’ve been using my big words like “sustainable” and “turnover costs” and “cost-effective innovative solutions” and “strategic planning” and you know…like a grown up.  But seriously I’m going to burn out here and then there will be turnover and if I can’t do it then nobody can do it.  I think the burning out during the day has an awful lot to do with the chair sitting/TV watching vortex.  I feel pretty good about sticking up for myself – although I vacillate a lot between feeling “proud” for advocating for myself and feeling like a “baby” for saying something and feeling like a “failure” for not being able to do it all, but I think I’m going to stick with words like “proud” and “advocate” and “sustaining”…without whining. It’s my job as project manager to make sure the Center is staffed correctly isn’t it? Of course nothing will happen and I’ll continue to do it but still..baby steps.

In other great news, it’s back to beach weather and since I’m not yet “in” the ocean I’ve been heading over to New Smyrna Beach.  I have mixed emotions.  There’s an adorable couple neighborhoods where I’ve been parking and at certain times of the day the surf is up to the steps and the beach is deserted. This is my kind of beach:

On Saturday it looked like this.  I shit you not this is the same place:

I mean I don’t get it.  I don’t understand the tides enough to know if it’s tide related, storm related or what the heck happens between the first group of pictures and the second.  It turns into an actual parking lot with cars on the beach and miles and miles of wide surf and you have to be careful not to get hit by a car while walking ON the beach.  But for now this is my beach. Once swimming season starts I have to pick a different location to avoid the “most shark bites capital in the WORLD” beach.  My beach routine consists of either Saturday or Sunday (I still have errands I need a day for)  I just jump in the car – head over – park, walk, sit, read or catch up on phone calls, then stop at this little restaurant before heading home.  I’ve decided I’m going to try everything on their menu before I change locations and move to my summer beach where the sharks don’t bite..as often…which will probably be back over to Stephanie’s and Pass-a-grille beach.

And let’s see do I have anything else to share?  Tomorrow night is a vigil in our town for the high school shooting victims.  It’s also laundry night AND I finally met a neighbor, after a year. Good news/bad news, she sells some product, Arbonne, which she’s going to drop off tomorrow night. I think I’ll put in a load of laundry, see if she wants to walk into the town with me while it’s washing and do a little vigil or protesting or whatever it is going to be before running back home to put the load in the dryer and trying some new face cream.  Perhaps tomorrow night will be another night without TV until at least the laundry is done.  Look at how cured I am already.  As I sit here looking at the clock wondering if it’s been long enough… wondering how many shows I can get in before going to bed, where I am reading Origins by Dan Brown.  So here’s a dilemma.  If I read in the daytime I always fall asleep.  When I read at night it keeps me up.

I see I have a lot of writing practice to do before I’m ready for book #2.  Perhaps, perhaps, I will drag you all down along with me while I practice.

xoxoxo

I was thinking of making the title of today’s blog Friday Blogday…doesn’t quite roll off the tongue like Fireball Friday does it? I imagine not as much fun either. I’m also trying to write this while watching the news which is impossible as I’m unable to focus on either thing.  However, that said I am very sad for the highschoolers in my state who were/are victims of the latest shooting.  In case you’re wondering, that school is not near me.  About 3+ hours south.  Tragic no matter where you live. And now I’ll just turn the TV off because the remote stopped working.

I’ve made some decisions in my life, believe it or not, throughout the years.  What’s notable in this case for this blog/story is there are, at certain times in my life, when I feel “torn” over which way to go.  Finally I will get to a point where I take a stand and decide “I’m going this way” – I finally make a decision.  And then without a doubt I am presented with the exact opposite of what I have just decided.  I mean like within days, sometimes minutes of making my decision.  So for instance going back to when I sold my house in Fair Oaks, after a year on the market and not selling I decided that at the end of my realtor agreement which was going to expire in a week or so, I decided that I would take it off the market, it wasn’t selling and I didn’t have to move. Literally with days left on the agreement my house sold. We had to renew the agreement to finalize the sale it was that close.  And the offer was so high it would have been financially stupid not to accept it.  But in my mind/heart I had changed my mind and was going to stay.  Ya know?  It’s like a “what just happened?” feeling.  When I was living in Virginia with mom last year I had just come to terms with and actually was feeling settled and happy with staying in the area and becoming a Virginian.  I had finally let go of the idea of moving back to Florida.  Within days, if not minutes of making that decision, I got the call for the interview for the job back in Florida, months after I had originally applied. My life is just crazy like that. It’s like my gods are effin with me. I’m not gonna lie, in the past it has really thrown me when this happens, but now I’m learning to laugh. I sometimes wonder why I even bother making a decision at all. I have come to accept without a doubt that I have a fate or destiny those gods have in mind for me.  It’s like god lets me try and make the right decision, seriously never gives me a heads up, just waits until I make the decision and then he/she’s like “nope…eh…wrong., you screwed this up …here do this..”  Of course with free will and all I could have always said “no” on the house sale. I could have said no to moving to DeLand and stayed in Virginia. I still had the choices. But since they weren’t “my” choices I knew they had to be the right ones. Ha!  I’m thinking about this (and sharing) because I recently made a couple of decisions that I’ve vacillated internally about for about a year and within 2 days of being settled on my decision at least one of them is teetering on not happening. It’s laughable. It really is. I can’t tell you of course because it’s still up in the air.  But aren’t you curious now?  Perhaps something to look forward to in the next blogs to come?

In the meantime here are some things I’ve been thinking about (without decision making).  Perhaps you have thought about these things too:

Why do short work weeks (4 days instead of 5) seem longer?

Why does the workday seem to last longer when you take a lunch break, as opposed to eating at your desk and powering through without one?

Did Cavemen and First men (GOT reference) have a sense of humor?  Did they have sarcasm?  Did they roll their eyes at something stupid?

Why do we hear more references to Atlantis than Lemuria?  Why do people discredit anything these days? Has history and Ancient Aliens taught us nothing?

Why is my lip disappearing?  Like where is it going? What was god’s plan with that? What exactly is this cosmetically disagreeable aging thing about?

On the other hand, how is it possible to look as good as Jane Fonda at 80 years old? Is there really something to exercise?

How can you simultaneously look better with a tan, but older with too much tanning? Why do I now look older without a tan?

Why are freckles cute when we’re young but ugly age spots when we’re old(er)?

Why do people with curly hair want straight hair and visa versa?

Why do I love sleeping in, but hate going to bed early? I love mornings, why can’t I change?

Why are there so many calories in Hershey kisses?

How do Gluten free cookies stay together without flour?  Are they less fattening?

If poor people or the less than 1% didn’t care about money, prestige and power; would the powerful lose interest?  If there was no one to impress or laud power over would that whole thing just go away? Would the have and have-nots stop being a thing?

Do you think if enough people decided “times up” in the work place it would spill over into other duties as assigned?  Why bother having a job description at all and then adding that? Why not say, “sit here and do what everyone asks you to do.”

How did hospitals/health care become these huge conglomerates in such a short time, since Dr. Selkovitz who still did house calls when my dad was sick? What’s going to be the next thing like that?

Where did all the Mayans go?  Why do we call them primitive people when clearly they were more advanced than we are?

Why do sprains take longer to heal than broken bones?

What do you think will be the next big thing since computers? Will anything surprise us anymore? Horses to cars – radios to TV’s – airplanes to rockets – then computers and cell phones – things previous generations could never have imagined.  Think about how even the simplest things like photos have evolved. Did anyone ever say back in the day “I bet one day you can take a picture with your phone and post it on something called the internet for the world to see in seconds.”  So many changes in our own lifetime. What is it we aren’t imagining that will happen next?  Isn’t it exciting to think about?

If I bought a pair of pants at Goodwill to wear on the beach, and then wear them to work, are they now considered work clothes so I shouldn’t wear them to walk on the beach?

Does anybody else see this cable cutting and extra channel thing becoming the same thing?  Pretty soon all the fees for Netflix, HBO, Hulu, Starz, Amazon Prime are going to equal the same amount as paying for cable TV.  It’s not like antenna TV. You still gotta pay for the internet too.

If being on your cellphone is dangerous on an airplane, why do some airlines offer free or paid wi-fi?  Is it less dangerous when you have to pay them for it?

And last but not least, why do I love to read a book and can think about doing at least 10 other things but will invariably choose to sit on this chair and watch TV?

xoxoxo

Everyone knows how much I love Florida.  But do you know I also love trees?  While Weeping Willows have traditionally been my favorite the Spanish moss and sprawling oak tree is also very much in my heart.  I wrote in my diary, when I was 10, during an overnight stay in South Carolina, about how beautiful it was – I actually remember the trees over the lake when I was writing in that diary were the reason I thought it was so beautiful. Those huge oaks with the Spanish moss and living in the south is deep in my soul.  But that said, trees and warm weather aside,  I have been starting to think about moving back to Pittsburgh.  Not like looking for a job and packing it in yet but the thought crosses my mind every so often.  There’s no doubt I miss my kids, my friends and those darn babies. Visiting usually takes care of those home-sick pangs but sometimes it just seems like maybe it’s time to start thinking about going back. When I get thoughts like that what I like to do is keep going with it and see where it goes. Like when I was interviewing for this job here in DeLand it just kept coming together ya know?  So I just put those Pittsburgh thoughts back there in my head and decided to carry on with my life and see where it goes. If it’s meant to be I’ll get signs, I’ll get a job offer, something will happen. I don’t hate DeLand – I don’t hate anything – I just don’t love it here so I keep wondering if maybe I’m not supposed to be here. Shouldn’t I be loving it by now? Shouldn’t something be happening to ingratiate me?

Lori, a friend from Pittsburgh is visiting in the area and suggested we meet today in Mount Dora for an Arts Festival.  I have heard lovely things about Mount Dora but have never ventured over that way.  It’s in the middle of the state.  I never want to go further away from the beach if I don’t have to. Mount Dora is 45 minutes inland. So anyway,  now with a reason to go, friends to see and a day to look forward to I drove on over. Parked in someone’s yard for $10 and proceeded to walk into the biggest arts festival I have ever been to. Well maybe not ever…but still it was fabulous with really great art.  Lori and her friend and I met for lunch, delicious food, great restaurant overlooking the water (lake) and afterwards we proceeded to walk around.  After Lori and her friend left me I decided to stay and look a little longer for that special something. I wanted to buy something, a memento, something new. Initially I thought I’d buy a piece of beachy type art for this blank wall in my apartment. I’ve been looking for something for that spot for 9 months now. At one time I wanted an Egret there. But today I wasn’t finding anything at first, so I turned my attention to jewelry and thought maybe I’d buy myself a ring.  Then I came across a booth with photos of beautiful southern oak trees. Giant beautiful oak trees. One of the $3000 photos had this story about oak trees beside it:

Oak trees are symbols of physical and spiritual nourishment, transformation and liberation, sustenance, spiritual growth, union and fertility. The tree is a spiritual motif and framework, a map of conception and consciousness that brings together the temporal worlds of time, space and consciousness.

Okay that’s not exactly true, I don’t remember exactly what she had posted by the tree.  No photos allowed and my phone battery was dead…What she had posted was actually more beautiful than that excerpt I just copied from the internet, but that was the gist. And in that moment I knew, I knew this tree is a sign. I began the search then for an oak tree, one that I could afford, wandering up and down the streets of the arts festival. I envisioned this new artwork of a big oak tree (just one not a group) with the roots reaching down to the chair where I always sit watching TV. The roots reaching for me symbolize my search for connection with the Gods, getting my spiritual nourishment and representing my ongoing transformation into my new life all while sitting in my chair.  Perfect right?  A sign. I love clear signs like that.  Although I knew the tree symbolized my transformation and connection to spiritual growth etc., I didn’t know if maybe the tree also represented a move to Georgia, or maybe South Carolina? Like is my love of Florida and needing to live here over?  Maybe it’s a sign that the South is in my destiny just not Florida? After wandering for over an hour, and enjoying every minute of it, I knew another clear sign, there was no oak tree there for me. It was still a great day being happy with my new vision and happy to find a place in Florida that I never knew about and absolutely loved.

I stopped into Tuesday Morning, one of those bargain stores, to go the bathroom before coming home plus I thought just maybe they’d have an oak tree. You can get some really good finds in places like that, you just have to keep looking. The bathroom was out of order (not a great sign) but I still went to the wall art aisle and there it was. A picture really is worth a thousand words. Here’s what I bought:

The moral of the story.  I belong in Florida.  I’m not going anywhere. I love my Gods.

xoxoxo