Taking a deep breath or two

New Year’s Day is a perfect time for reflection.  So says every stinkin thing I’ve read today and over this past weekend.  I think I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time reflecting over these past 6 months. I’m ready to stop reflecting and look to the future.  However I will share (because that’s what I do..share) that I realized in 2016 I spent an awful lot of time trying to figure out what was going to happen next, or what was “not” going to happen next.  Looking back I feel like I was in a rush all the time.

January –  I quit my job early in the year – I was in a rush to quit and move on.

March/April –  I wanted to come here to Virginia to spend extra time with my mom – I felt compelled that I “had” to do that in April. – I had to hurry up and do that so I could focus on looking for my next job.

In May –  Philip said we had to move (we were moving together at first, remember?) and I was in a rush to get everything packed cause I thought “we” had to get out…Then of course, the big reveal happened and then “I” was in a rush to get out. And get out I did, at like lightning speed.

June – At the beach I never thought I would leave Florida so I was not in a rush there, but I was anxious the whole time wondering if it would end, but never believing it would.  And then it did…end.

September –  I left in a rush because of the Hurricane believing that it was going to hit my mom and wanted to be here incase she got hit by the first hurricane (she didn’t)

October – then I was in a rush to go back to Florida, through the next hurricane, after a promise of a job, and when that fell through I was in a rush to get rid of all my stuff in storage, I rushed through finishing that book (with Stephanie’s help) so I could start sending it out, and then

November –  I took my time coming back up here to Virginia.  No storms, no jobs, nothing to look forward to that I had to rush for and since then I’ve been trying to relax.  It was a whirlwind year no matter how you look at it.  And what is my takeaway?

Slow the fuck down 🙂 Sorry…Not that I would do anything differently, it doesn’t matter now but I feel like I’m still trying to calm down.  I’m not in a hurry to do anything.  I don’t even know what to do next.  But I’m going to be taking a lot of deep breaths this year.  I’m also not going to expect anything to happen.  I’m not going to expect good things, I’m not going to expect bad things.  I’m going to take the year as it comes.  I did that last year too as I can tell by all the last-minute changes that I rolled with all year.  This year though, I am going to try to make a conscious effort to take a breath or two before whatever.

My reading asks me “What do you need?” Peace in my heart. What do I hope for? Peace in my heart. What do I want to work on?  Peace in my heart.  I want to just be peaceful and quit running. And well an income would be good too.

And because I know as soon as I hope for peace – well then I’ll probably have to move again but next move I want more closet space.  I’m just saying.  I need a dresser where I can use all the drawers, not just 3 out of 6.  I need a bigger closet.  I need a place for my boots.  I mean I have scaled way way back but seriously is a nice walk- in closet too much to ask?  Is it?

One of those reflection questions said something like “what can you give up?” and I say NOTHING!!  I am not parting with one more effing thing.  I want all my boots, all my boxes, all my clothes.  Well okay, some of those clothes I can part with but only because I want to.  Not because I have to.  But that’s it, no more giving up.  As a matter of fact I might go crazy and buy myself a pair of jeans this week.  Maybe (after a deep breath or two).

2017 is going to be a year of excess. I’m kidding.  I’m going to take it as it comes.  I think we all have to do that this year because it’s possible our world as we know it is going to change drastically as we prepare to make Murica great again!

Here’s to another great year full of surprises!

xoxoxox